"You're Like A Stick" — Malaysians Share How Skinny-Shaming Is Just As Bad As Fat-Shaming
Both leave negative impacts on how you view your body.
By Tamara Jayne — 21 Jun 2023, 04:42 PM
We've heard of fat-shaming. But what about skinny-shaming?
It's easy to think that 'skinny' people don't get bullied "as bad", when being slim has been a resounding beauty standard for all. For years, the fashion industry and media have portrayed that being a size 0 is ideal.
But at the risk of sounding cliché, we know that beauty cannot take a one-size-fits-all approach. People come in all shapes and sizes, and there is no such thing as the "ideal size" and "free size".
Take Mel, for example, a Malaysian woman in her 40s who faced criticism for being "skinnier" than others throughout her growing up years
"Looking back, I probably didn't have much awareness of how my body looked. I didn't pay much attention to it and didn't think being skinny was an issue… until peers started commenting," she shared with SAYS.
"You look like a boy with a ponytail."
"OMG, so funny… there is a gap between your legs!"
"Eat more; you're all skin and bones."
"Are you anorexic?"
"What are you… a stick or something?"
These are just some of the many statements she heard growing up. Although she knew at some point that her metabolism would slow down and she'd gain some weight (which she has!), it was a longgg wait.
On the other hand, Aqasha, who is in her 20s, faced criticism from both sides of the spectrum
As a child, she considered herself to have been quite large and was mocked for it. But by secondary school, she had shed a lot of weight after participating in sports. By the time she reached college, she became what society deemed as 'skinny'.
"I ran into the same people who mocked me for being overweight, then praised me when I lost weight, only to tell me I'm unhealthily thin now," she revealed.
You will never be the right size for some people.
Throughout her life, she's been called names, told that "You need to eat more", and been given backhanded compliments.
"A distant family member recently told me I looked great, but then she asked how I didn't faint. A friend also asked if I used drugs to get to this size because she wanted to try it as well. It's pretty tiring to hear people make comments about my body constantly. I had to battle through all three eating disorders because of these comments, and now, I'm finally in the correct mind space and able to love my body the way that it is," she shared.
If you are dealing with negative statements about your body that affect you, be honest with the person
"However, if it doesn't get to you, don't react or respond. Don't give the other person the satisfaction he or she desired," Mel added.
Like the age-old saying goes, "If you have nothing nice to say (especially about another person's appearance), be quiet!"
On a similar note, Aqasha believes that we should stop making comments about people's bodies, big or small.
"It's easier said than done, but you can't let those words get to you, nor can you stoop to their level. It's more important to concentrate on your own energy and how you perceive yourself. You will always think their negative comments are objectively true if you hate yourself," she said.
Though their journeys have not been the easiest, how they view themselves have changed
"I've grown to appreciate my body, but I recall the times when I was unhappy with how it looked.
"Today, even if others disagree, there's really nothing wrong with my body, and I hope everyone else sees themselves the same way I do. I'm healthy, beautiful, and I still slay boots the house down!" Aqasha expressed.
Mel explained that there are two sides to how she feels about her body, saying, "Occasionally, there's that one part when your mind (or the mirror) makes you feel inferior. And on the other side, you just rock what you were born with and be thankful. With maturity, the latter will be more often. I now value a healthy body far more than the way it looks!"
Like most things in life, Aqasha added that "People will always comment things which they are insecure about. What matters is that you don't beat yourself up over those remarks".
"When it comes to body image, trends come and go. We glorified the supermodel figure in the '90s, but that changed in the 2010s when people celebrated curvy bodies. Now, supermodel figures are being celebrated once more. It's crucial to log off social media occasionally, unplug your TV, and simply not give a f--k about what society considers 'trendy' and 'beautiful'," she said.
The reality is that whether you're round, short, tall, big, curvy, or thin, every person has been told that they need to look a certain way all their lives
Whether you've been called "chubby" or "look like a stick", body shaming is body shaming, regardless if you're a size 0 or a size 14.
Both sends messages, though on opposite spectrums, that are equally as detrimental as each other.
